Latest Jokes

$9.00 won 7 votes

My wife called. She said, "The two kids want you to take them bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema."

"It's either one or the other," I said. "Otherwise it's too expensive."

"OK" she replied. "Which one do you prefer?"

I said, "David!"

7 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "WomenPower" |
$10.00 won 3 votes

Remember when everyone had diaries and got mad when someone read them?

Now they put everything on Facebook and get mad when they don't!

3 votes

Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "alexander" |
1 votes

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

1 votes

posted by "wadejagz" |
0 votes

A young gentleman in a jewelry store looking at engagement rings. The sales clerk walks over and asks, "May I give you a hand with something?"

He replied, "No thanks, I already have her hand... now I just need THE SOMETHING!"

0 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "Joe Cirillo" |