I just burned 2,000 calories...
That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
My dog had a bad case of fleas. So I brought him to the vet.
The doctor told me, “I’m going to have to put him down."
I said, “What? Just because he’s got fleas?”
“No,” the doctor said, “because he’s so heavy.”
Sign inside a bowling alley:
"Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
How come nailing something down is good...
But screwing something up is bad?