Latest Jokes

Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Cessna 3798G is unfamiliar with the area, requests directions to the airport.

Tower: Cessna 3798G, Turn right to a heading of 360 for about 8 minutes, then left 270 for another 3 minutes, then to a heading of 170 and the airport will be 12 o’clock in 5 minutes, cleared to land runway 17.

Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Isn’t that the airport at 12 o’clock?

Tower: Yes! You can actually continue your current course and land on runway 26, airport is 12 o’clock, 8 miles!!

Pilot: Then why did you have me going the long way around the airport?

Tower: Because you asked for directions, not the quickest route.

I recently got a catalog from a company I wasn't familiar with. Not wanting to be cheated I sent them a letter saying, "With all the fraud and misrepresentation I don't know who to trust. Send me the merchandise and if it's any good I'll send you a check."

A week later I got a letter back from the company saying, "We have the same problem you have. Send us a check. If it's any good we'll send you the merchandise."

I had a question for my English as a second language teacher...

Me: This word confuses me, can you give me a sentence using 'apparently'?

Teacher: Apparently, you don’t know what apparently means.

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you "can't" go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport, you have to be driven there. I've made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family, and work.

I have also been in Doubt. That's a sad place to go, and I try not to visit too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense. It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart. At my age I need all the stimuli I can get.