After being widowed for a few years my sister recently remarried.
When I saw her I asked, "I'll bet your husband talks about his first wife?"
"Not anymore," she told me.
"Why not?"
"I began to talk about my next husband."
Tower: Cessna 2737 you are three miles from final, turn left 270 and expect the RNAV to Runway 27.
Pilot: Aye Aye, Captain!
Tower: Cessna 2737... read back and repeat all the instructions correctly.
Pilot: 10-4!
[Nearly 30 seconds later...]
Tower: Uhh..., Cessna 2737 please repeat back all instructions immediately!!
Pilot: Okay, I am so sorry about that, my co-pilot was at the controls and radio. Turning left to 270, and expecting the RNAV for runway 27 for Cessna 2737.
Tower: Readback is correct, and by the way, your co-pilot could use some training!
Pilot: Yeah, I concur with you. The only problem is that you can only teach a parrot so much!!
A man went to the doctor and said: “Doctor, I keep having visions of the future.”
“When did these start?”
“Next Thursday.”
"That guy was so happy that it's St Patrick's day, that he was literally bouncing off the walls!"
"Who was it?"
"Rick O'Shea."