My wife said that my granddaughter has me wrapped around her little finger.
I said, "That's not true. I said 'no' to her just yesterday."
"What did she ask you?"
"She asked me if there was anything I wouldn't give her."
"That guy was so happy that it's St Patrick's day, that he was literally bouncing off the walls!"
"Who was it?"
I invented some new cookware...
But the critics panned it.
Why do trees have trunks?
So they'll always be ready to leave!