Latest Jokes

My youngest son asked me how old I was.

I answered, "39 and holding."

He thought for a moment and then asked, "But how old would you be if you let go?"

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game (with their habits partially blocking the view), three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there."

The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there.

The third guy said," I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there."

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet calm voice said,

"Why don't you go to Hell... there aren't any Nuns there."

“Nice dog. What’s its name?” I asked my friend’s 10-year-old son.

“Bob,” he said.

“And your cat?”

“Bob.”

“How do you keep them straight?”

“Well one is Bob Cat and the other is Bob Barker,” the boy answered.

“Tell him your rabbit’s name,” his father suggested.

The kid smiled and said, “Dennis Hopper.

Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Cessna 3798G is unfamiliar with the area, requests directions to the airport.

Tower: Cessna 3798G, Turn right to a heading of 360 for about 8 minutes, then left 270 for another 3 minutes, then to a heading of 170 and the airport will be 12 o’clock in 5 minutes, cleared to land runway 17.

Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Isn’t that the airport at 12 o’clock?

Tower: Yes! You can actually continue your current course and land on runway 26, airport is 12 o’clock, 8 miles!!

Pilot: Then why did you have me going the long way around the airport?

Tower: Because you asked for directions, not the quickest route.