Latest Jokes

$15.00 won 7 votes

Three lifelong buddies (one not so bright) were returning from a day of mountain biking in the Rocky Mountains. The not so bright buddy was in the back of the truck to better enjoy the mountains.

Heading around a rather tight turn, the truck veers off the cliff and plummets into a lake just below.

After just a few seconds, the two buddies in the truck cab break the surface with a gasp of air. To their horror, they realize their not so bright companion was still under water and they both immediately dove down to rescue him.

They pulled him to the surface and after a coughing fit asked him why he hadn't swam to the surface. With an annoyed look on his face, the not so bright buddy says, “I couldn't get the tailgate open!”

7 votes

posted by "Egbert" |
2 votes

I was scrubbing the bulkhead on the USS Kitty Hawk one Sunday morning when the loud-speaker announced:

"Religious services. Maintain silence about the decks. Discontinue all unnecessary work."

An hour later, the opinion many of us held regarding our daily routine, was confirmed with this announcement:

"Resume all unnecessary work."

2 votes

CATEGORY Military Jokes
posted by "wadejagz" |
$5.00 won 4 votes

Two brothers were fast asleep in their room when the eldest heard a thud sound.

Eldest: What's that sound?

Youngest: Oh, it's just my t-shirt falling off my bed.

Eldest: T-shirt? Why was it so loud?

Youngest: Because I was still in it.

4 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
$10.00 won 5 votes

One day, the horse became very ill and he called the veterinarian, who said, "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him to sleep."

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation. The next day, the Vet gave him the medicine and left. The goat approached the horse and said, "Be strong, friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!"

On the second day, the doc again gave him the medicine and left. The goat came back and said, "Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three..."

The poor horse wouldn't get up. On the third day, the Vet gave one look at the horse and said, "Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses."

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said, "Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!"

All of a sudden, the owner came back to the farm, saw the horse running on the field. Not aware of the goats role in this he began shouting, "It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a Grand celebration... LET'S COOK THE GOAT!"

5 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Benjones" |