Latest Jokes

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

"Ever have an accident?"

"Nope, nary a one."

"None? You've never had any accidents."

"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."

"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"

"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

The golfer sliced a ball into a field of chickens, striking one of the hens and killing it instantly. He was understandably upset, and sought out the farmer.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “my terrible tee-shot hit one of your hens and killed it. Can I replace the hen?”

“I don’t know about that,” replied the farmer, mulling it over. “How many eggs a day do you lay?”

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were debating whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.

The player said: “When I get bad cards, it’s not the dealer’s fault. Similarly when I get good cards, the dealer isn’t responsible. So why should I tip him?”

The dealer countered: “When you eat out, do you tip the waiter?”

“Er, yes.”

“Well, he serves you food, and I’m serving you cards, so you should tip me.”

“Fair enough,” said the player, “but the waiter gives me what I ask for. I’ll take an eight...”

Two dog owners were boasting about the intelligence of their pets.

“The smartest dog I ever had,” said one, “was an amazing Afghan hound that could play cards. He was amazing at poker, he could beat anyone, even professionals. But I had to have him put down.”

“You had him put to sleep?” said the other. “You must be crazy. A bright dog like that could be worth a million dollars.”

“I had no choice. I caught him using marked cards.”