Latest Jokes

Two dog owners were boasting about the intelligence of their pets.

“The smartest dog I ever had,” said one, “was an amazing Afghan hound that could play cards. He was amazing at poker, he could beat anyone, even professionals. But I had to have him put down.”

“You had him put to sleep?” said the other. “You must be crazy. A bright dog like that could be worth a million dollars.”

“I had no choice. I caught him using marked cards.”

A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married. The gentleman replied, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry?"

"Yes, there was one girl once. I guess she was the one perfect girl, the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her?" asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.

What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer.

"The plane won't carry six deer, you'll have to leave two of them," said the pilot, trying to be friendly.

Unwilling to leave their dead deer, the hunters said "We got six on the plane last year."

The pilot gave in, and just five minutes after takeoff the plane crashed into the forest. Lucky to be alive, one of the hunters said, "Any idea where we are?"

The second hunter said, "Yeah, right about where our plane went down last year."