Latest Jokes

On a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon my buddy and I stood on the first tee of our Golf Club. He had just pulled out his driver when a young woman in a wedding dress came running up to him, crying.

She slaps him in the face, turns, and runs away.

My buddy turns to me and says calmly, "I don't know what her problem is. I distinctly told her only if it rained."

It was August and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught he old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. 

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. 

But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" 

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. 

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. 

A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?" 

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very very cold winter." 

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could. The new chief every week or so calls the National Weather Service and receives the same answer. "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "We're sure it's going to be cold because the Indians are collecting firewood like crazy!"

Two mothers met for coffee. "Well Ruthie, how are the kids?"

"To tell you the truth, my son has married a real tramp!" says Ruth. "She doesn't get out of bed until 11. She's out all day spending his money on Heaven knows what, and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice hot dinner for him? Ha! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."

"Oh! What a shame. And how about your daughter?"

"Ah! Now there's a lucky girl. She has married a saint. He brings her breakfast in bed, he gives her enough money to buy whatever she needs, and in the evening he always takes her out to dinner at a nice restaurant."