Latest Jokes

1 votes

What do you call an egotistical person serving a prison sentence?

An I-con.

1 votes

CATEGORY Puns
posted by "Freddie" |
3 votes

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

Regards,
Your Owner

3 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "wadejagz" |
$5.00 won 2 votes

The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope photograph of distant galaxies colliding.

Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.

2 votes

CATEGORY Lawyer Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "wadejagz" |
$9.00 won 4 votes
 

What do people in China call their fancy plates?

4 votes

Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "iqannnylirod" |