Latest Jokes

The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"

"No," I replied.

"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"

"I really don't have any," I said.

"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried.

"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried.

There was a brief silence, and then he asked, "Are you looking for a husband?"

Sam: Do you know the difference between a guest towel and toilet paper?

Bob: No...

Sam: In that case, don't use our bathroom.

Compact disc manufacturers were worried about music industry plans to phase out CDs and bring back LPs. Defending the threat to their livelihood, the CD manufacturers took their case to court, where the judge listened patiently to a lengthy debate about the relative merits of CDs and LPs.

After weighing up the various arguments, the judge ruled in favor of LPs.

The CD manufacturers were furious. “Do we have no right of appeal?” they demanded.

“I’m afraid not,” said their lawyer. “The judge’s decision is vinyl.”