Two prison inmates were standing in the cafeteria line getting lunch...
One inmate said to the other inmate, "When I was governor, the food was much better!"
If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?
Scholar-ships.
In the HR department in the large corporation where I work, I receive absentee slips for all the employees.
Over the years I’ve heard every excuse, but the other day I found one in my voicemail that I never heard before.
“I won’t be in today,” said my absent coworker. “I’ll call back later with an excuse.”
“That’s a great place to work!” shouted my 16-year-old brother after coming home from the first day of his first job.
“I get two weeks paid vacation.”
“I’m so glad,” said my mother.
“Yeah,” added John. “I can’t wait to find out where they send me.