A Texan was visiting a Maine farmer. The Texas rancher was boasting to his host about the size of his ranch. "I can get into my pickup truck and drive all day and still not reach the boundary of my ranch," he bragged.
The Mainer shook his head knowingly, and replied, "Aayuhh, I had a truck like that once."
Wife: "I'm pregnant...."
Dad: "Hi pregnant, I’m dad!"
Wife: "No, no you’re not."
A man on his deathbed is telling his friend his final wishes.
Man: "I have two final wishes."
Friend: "What are they?"
Man: "First, I'd like my remains scattered over Disney Land."
Friend: "And second?"
Man: "Second, I don't want to be cremated."