Sam: Do you know the difference between a guest towel and toilet paper?
Bob: No...
Sam: In that case, don't use our bathroom.
Compact disc manufacturers were worried about music industry plans to phase out CDs and bring back LPs. Defending the threat to their livelihood, the CD manufacturers took their case to court, where the judge listened patiently to a lengthy debate about the relative merits of CDs and LPs.
After weighing up the various arguments, the judge ruled in favor of LPs.
The CD manufacturers were furious. “Do we have no right of appeal?” they demanded.
“I’m afraid not,” said their lawyer. “The judge’s decision is vinyl.”
Michigan Lawyer: "Well Barney, so you want me to defend you? Have you got any money?"
Barney: "No sir. I ain't got no money, but I do get a 1928 Ford Car!"
Lawyer: "Well you can raise money on that. Now let's see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?"
Barney: "A 1928 Ford Car."
Little Mary talking to Little Johnny: I found twenty cents on the sidewalk.
Little Johnny: That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there this morning.
Little Mary: But, what I found was two ten-cent coins!
Little Johnny: That's it. I heard it break when it hit the ground.