Fred: Honey, I lost my car keys.
Marge: Again, we need to have a little talk about this Fred. Did you look on the key pegs in the kitchen?
Fred: Oh, there they are; I don't know what I'd do without you Marge. I swear without you I couldn't find the bathroom tissue.
Marge: That's another thing we need to chat about Fred.
Fred: Things would be fine if you didn't hide it in the bathroom.
Marge: I don't hide it, I keep it in the same place in plain sight. It's always right there on the top shelf.
Fred: You're right Marge, we do need to have a little chat about this.
Husband: Amazon has everything under the sun.
Wife: Can you order a couple of grandchildren for me. Our two boys will never get married; they're too busy chasing girls and they're not getting any younger.
Husband: There may be a way?
Wife: (Rolls her eyes)
Two days later a package comes in the mail.
Wife: A package just arrived and it has two DNA test kits in it. What good are DNA kits to a mother who wants to become a grandmother?
Husband: You might be surprised!
A man and his wife attended a dinner party at the home of their friends. Near the end of the meal, the wife reprimanded her husband. "That's the third time you've gone for dessert," she scolded. "The hostess must think you're selfish and an absolute pig."
"I don't think so," he said. "I've been telling her it's for you."