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Favorite this joke "Look at ME!" boasted the fit old man to a group of young people. "Every morning I do fifty push-ups, do fifty sit-ups, and walk two miles. I'm fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after women!"
He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, "And tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my 95th birthday!"
"Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers. "How?"
A five-year-old told her mom she was going to have ten babies when she grew up.
"That's a lot of babies," replied the mom.
The mom asked her eight-year-old son, "How many are you going to have?"
"None," he answered, rolling his eyes. "My wife is going to have the babies!"
A man is buying a suit from a local tailor. "I need to warn you," he says, as the tailor is taking his measurements. "That I won't be able to pay for this suit for three months."
"That's quite all right, sir," the tailor replies.
"By the way," the man asks, "when will it be ready?"
"In three months."
Every time I go on vacation my wife gets pregnant...
This year I'm taking her with me!
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