Latest Jokes

To show his appreciation to the community, the military base commanding officer held an open house. This included a free meal in the mess hall.

A young private was busing tables when he noticed a family leaving a large tip. "Excuse me. We can't accept tips," he told them.

"It's not for you," said the woman. "That's to help send your cook to culinary school."

Recently, I woke up to find that two of my car’s tires had been stolen. When the police officer arrived, he asked, “When were you last driving the car?”

“Last night at 11:00,” I said.

“And the tires were on it then?”

Trying to disguise his voice, Carl calls his ex-wife and asks to speak to himself.

Jody, his former wife says, "Carl, look, we are not married anymore -- quit bothering me!"

The next day, Carl calls again, resulting in the same sequence of events.

The following day though when he calls, his ex-wife says, "Listen. I told you we're divorced, split, it's over -- period! We're divorced. Why do you keep calling here?"

"Well Jody, it's just that I can't hear that often enough."

Little Johnny's mother was in the hospital, and he was visiting to see his new brother. He wandered into an adjoining room which was occupied by a woman with a broken leg.

"Hello," he said. "How long you been here?"

"Oh, about two weeks."

"May I see your baby," he then ask.

"Why I haven't got a baby," the woman replied.

"Gee, you are slow. My mama's been here just two days and she's got one."