A soccer hooligan is charged with disorderly conduct and assault after a match. The arresting officer states that the accused had thrown something into the river not far from the stadium.
“What exactly did the accused throw into the river?” the judge asks.
“Stones, sir,” the officer replies.
The judge is confused. “Well, that’s hardly an offense, officer.”
“It was in this case, sir,” the officer explains. “Stones was the name of the referee.”
Attorney: “She had three children, right?”
Attorney: “How many were boys?”
Attorney: “Were there any girls?”
Witness: “Your honor... I think I need a different attorney!"
An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take your kid to work Day'.
As they walked round the office she started crying and getting cranky.
Her father asked what was wrong.
As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"
After raising four kids and losing one husband, I decided to return to college and get the degree I had started but never finished. And so, on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than a little nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 40 years ... a literature course.
The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books over the course of the semester, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.
He ambled over to the lectern, took out a paper, and began: "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."
I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student behind me whispered, "Slow down... he's just taking attendance."