An Orderly in a Paratrooper battalion must make a jump once a month. The Captain rushes in and says, "I know you have a lot of work so I have transportation for you to our airport, a plane waiting for you, a Jeep will be on the ground waiting to whisk you back quickly."
The Orderly goes out and there isn't any transportation and they have to call for it. When they get to the airport the plane is late getting there. He gets on the plane and has to wait for someone to bring his parachute. When he finally jumps he pulls his cord and the chute doesn't open, he pulls his emergency cord and that don,t work also.
He says to himself, "I bet the Jeep won't be there either!"
An early visitor to the local donut shop was explaining, "I love to hear the alarm clock go off. I can't understand people who are annoyed. To me it seems to symbol the symbol of our existence itself. It is a sign that a great city is awaking from its deep slumber, that a new day is beginning, that the streets and buildings will soon be filled with surging progressive life. I love the sound of the alarm clock."
Another patron replied, "My you are the ambitious one. What line of business are you in?"
"I am a night watchman."
Customer: "How much is the hamburger steak?"
Butcher: "$1.98 cents a pound."
Customer: "But at the corner market is is only $0.98 cents a pound."
Butcher: "Then you should go there to buy it."
Customer: "But they are all out of it."
Butcher: " Oh, I see. When we don't have any we sell it for $0.50 cents a pound."