A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a steamship to be trained as a helmsman. He masters the classroom instruction, then starts his practical training on the wheel of the vessel. In his first lesson, the mate gives him a heading, and the young fellow holds to it. Then the mate orders, "Come starboard."
Pleased at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the young man leaves the helm and walks over to his instructor.
The mate has an incredulous look on his face as the helm swings freely. Then, rather gently considering the circumstance, he asks politely, "Could you bring the ship with you?"
What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A desserter.
Little Johnny: "Why does it rain, dad?"
Father: "To make the flowers grow and the grass and the trees."
Little Johnny: "So why does it rain on the sidewalk?"
Floyd had taken his girlfriend on their third date and she had spoken to a nice-looking man at the next table.
"Is that man a friend of yours?" ask Floyd.
"Yes," she replied.
"Then I think I'll ask him to join us."
"Oh Floyd, this is so sudden!"
"What's so sudden?"
"Why he's our minister."