It's Christmas morning and after all the gifts are unwrapped Little Johnny ask the following qeustion, "Mother, where did all these pretty toys come from?"
Mother: "Johnny, Santa brought all of them."
Johnny: "Did he bring everything? Did he bring the electric train, the baseball glove and bat? The ice skates..."
Mother: "Yes Johnny, Santa brought everything."
Johnny: "Well, then who buys all the things in the stores?"
Pat O'Brian lay at death's door and he sent for a lawyer to make his last will. O'Brian's wife remained in the room while the lawyer was there. The lawyer said, "State your affairs briefly."
Mr. O'Brian: "Timothy Duggan owes me $5."
Mrs. O'Brian: "Good, sensible to the last."
Mr. O'Brian: "Patrick Kelly owes me $15."
Mrs. O'Brian: "Good, sensible to the last."
Mr. O'Brian: "Michael McKay, I owe $100."
Mrs. O'Brian: "My soul, listen to him rave out of his mind."
The zoo keeper found a new employee standing uneasy next to the lion's cage.
Zoo keeper: "Didn't I tell you that when the lion is wagging his tail, he was friendly?"
Employee: "He was wagging his tail and roaring at the same time."
Zoo keeper: "So, what's that got to do with it?"
Employee: "Well, I don't know which end to trust."
Mr. Boggs was halted by the highway patrol who informed him that he was going seventy-five miles an hour in a twenty-five mile an hour zone.
"I wasn't going seventy-five!" protested Mr. Boggs. "I wasn't even going sixty, I wasn't even going fifty, I wasn't even going forty, I wasn't even going..."
"Hey look out," said the highway patrol person. "At this rate you will be backing into something soon enough..."