Latest Jokes

I've seen plenty of batting slumps," the manager told one of his coaches. "But I've never had a whole lineup in a slump before."

The team had lost 10 of its last 20 games, scoring only eight runs during that whole stretch. The best they'd done was four hits in a game.

"We have to try something different," the manager said to his batting coach.

"What do you have in mind?" the batting coach asked warily.

"I'm going into the batting cage myself," the manager said.

The coach tried to talk him out of it. But the manager was desperate, willing to try anything.

With the whole team watching, the coach swung at the first pitch and missed. He missed the second pitch. Ditto the third, fourth, and fifth. On the sixth pitch, he just nicked the ball, which dribbled back to the pitcher's mound.

The manager slammed his bat to the ground, turned around, and stared at his players. "That's how you guys look at the plate!" he yelled. "Now get up there and HIT the ball!"

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on...

After the seventh order, the bartender stops and says, “You fellas ought to know your limits!”

Two pumpkins in the pumpkin patch were discussing what they wanted to be for Halloween.

One said he wanted to be a Jack-O Lantern, "... but I don't know if I can make the cut."

If you were in the Apple store when a robbery occurred...

Does that make you... an iWitness?!?!