While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to one of the political candidates.
The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, that candidate is a 'Post Turtle'."
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'."
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.
"You know they didn't get up there by themselves, they don't belong up there, they don't know what to do while they're up there, and you just wonder what kind of dummy put them up there to begin with."
"Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life," my boss told me.
"Well it got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago, Chile in 2009," I informed him.
"Really?" he asked.
"No," I said.
What do the Tampa Bay Lightning and the Titanic have in common?
They both looked good until they hit the ice!
"Look at this mess!" roared an angry customer at a local cafe, pointing to his squashed doughnut.
"It's just as you ordered it, sir," the waitress replied meekly.
"What do you mean?" barked the customer.
"You told me to bring you coffee and a doughnut and step on it."