Latest Jokes

After being locked in an impenetrable strongroom, a panicked Dr. Watson cries, "How are we to escape, Holmes?"

Calmly, the sleuth produces a small knife and a lemon, which he carefully cuts into small pieces. He then sticks the pieces of lemon on the wall in the shape of a door, and with a push creates a doorway.

An astonished Watson asks, "How on earth did you do that, Holmes?"

"Lemon-entry my dear Watson, Lemon-entry!"

A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner.

The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be disappointed.

Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"

From a store clerk:
"The computerized cash register is down. I'll just add up your purchases with a pencil and paper."

"I'll take a break after I finish waiting on these customers."

"We're sorry we sold you defective merchandise. We'll pick it up at your home and bring you a new one or give you a complete refund, whichever you prefer."


From my doctor:
"Of course I'll come by your house to check on you."

"Give me a call at home over the weekend if you're not feeling better."

"Sure, come on by this afternoon, we'll work you in."

"I'll call ahead and let them know the most you will pay for that test."

"Here, take these samples."

"Don't worry about it, there's no charge for that."

"I recommend you get a second opinion."