Latest Jokes

3 votes

I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a driver's manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to study her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her drivers permit.

"Oh," she said, "I already know everything in the book."

"You do?" I returned.

"Yep," she said, very smugly.

I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one." So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?"

"One," she replied.

"What?" I asked.

"One?!" She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."

3 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
$50.00 won 5 votes

The teacher asked Little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

“Yes,” he said. “My dad taught me.”

“Good. So what comes after eight?”

“Nine,” answered Little Johnny.

“And what comes after nine?”

“Ten.”

“And what comes after ten?”

“The Jack.”

5 votes

posted by "Dan the Man 009" |
$12.00 won 10 votes

The landlady of a rooming house that had seen better days was leading a prospective tenant to a third floor room with badly splattered wall paper.

Landlady: “The last man who lived in this room was an inventor---he invented some type of explosive."

Prospective tenant: “Then the spots on the wall was some type of explosive?”

Landlady: “No, the inventor.”

10 votes

posted by "Egbert" |
8 votes

My friend that has come into money is telling me that he is having his family tree researched.

"Yes, and it is quite expensive, it cost $5,000."

"Wow", I replied, "that is expensive!"

"Yes, but it only cost $2,000 to have it looked up. It cost another $3,000 to have it hushed up."

8 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "maryjones" |