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Favorite this joke Two men were adrift in an open boat, and it looked bad for them. Finally one of them, frightened, began to pray.
"O Lord," he prayed, “I've broken most of thy commandments. I've been a hard drinker, but if my life is spared now I'll promise never again...”
"Wait a minute, Jack,” said his friend. “Don't go too far, I think I see a sail!”
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.
"Look Miss," said the foreman, "do you have any experience in picking lemons?"
"Well ... as a matter of fact, Yes!" she replied. "I've been married and divorced three times."
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
A realist sees a freight train.
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the track.
It’s a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub.
It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
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