Customer: "How much is the hamburger steak?"
Butcher: "$1.98 cents a pound."
Customer: "But at the corner market is is only $0.98 cents a pound."
Butcher: "Then you should go there to buy it."
Customer: "But they are all out of it."
Butcher: " Oh, I see. When we don't have any we sell it for $0.50 cents a pound."
Chauffeur: "All this talk about back-seat drivers is a bunch of nothing. I've driven a car for over ten years and have never heard a word from behind.
Cabby: "What type car do you drive?"
Chauffeur: "A Hearse."
The doctor took Dan into the room and said, "Dan, I have some good news and some bad news."
Dan said, "Give me the good news first."
"They're going to name a disease after you."
A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses.
"Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want to do the same."
"Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend, "it's your cow."