Latest Jokes

I’ve been really depressed lately. A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo perhaps, to cheer up.

I went today, but not one person would pet me.

Her: What do you do?

Me: I race cars.

Her: Do you win many races?

Me: Not really, the cars are much faster.

He was a bit shy, and after she had thrown her arms around him and kissed him for bringing her a bouquet of flowers, he arose and started to leave.

"I'm sorry I offended you," she said.

"Oh, no, I'm not offended," he replied. "I'm going for more flowers."

Officer: "Why should you be released early?"

Man: "I’m..."

Officer: "Go on..."

Man: "I think..."

Officer: "Yes?"

Man: "Can I please finish my sentence?"

Officer: "Sure, if that's what you really want. Parole denied."