Latest Jokes

Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey.

I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?"

Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?"

"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"

Joe passed away. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"

Helen answered. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!"

"Two and a half carats."

A mother brought her child to school to register him. However, the child was only five and the age required was six.

“I think,” the mother said to the principal, “that he can pass the six-year-old test.”

“We’ll see,” replied the principal. Then to the child, the principal said, “Son, just say a few words that come to your mind.”

“Do you want logically connected sentences,” asked the child, “or purely irrelevant words?”

Four priests in New York went golfing wearing typical "golfer" outfits. After a while, their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"

"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "How did you know?"

Easy," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language."