Latest Jokes

He was a bit shy, and after she had thrown her arms around him and kissed him for bringing her a bouquet of flowers, he arose and started to leave.

"I'm sorry I offended you," she said.

"Oh, no, I'm not offended," he replied. "I'm going for more flowers."

Officer: "Why should you be released early?"

Man: "I’m..."

Officer: "Go on..."

Man: "I think..."

Officer: "Yes?"

Man: "Can I please finish my sentence?"

Officer: "Sure, if that's what you really want. Parole denied."

A woman was visiting the zoo when she passed two workmen that were crying.

"Why are you guys crying?" she asked.

One replied, "One of the elephants just died."

"The big elephant must have been your favorite animal in the zoo?" she asked.

"No, Ma'am-- love has nothing to do with it. The boss told us we have to dig the grave."

"You know, I think everyone should divide their worldly goods with the other fellow," said an office worker to another.

"That's a good idea. If you had two thousand dollars would you give me half?"

"Sure."

"And if you had two automobiles, would you give me one?"

"Sure."

"And if you had two shirts, would you give me one?"

"No."

"No? Why?"

"Because I have two shirts."