A husband and wife were arguing about who gets to go to the gym and who has to stay home and babysit.
The husband says, "If the gym just had child care we could go together."
To which his wife replied, "I think you'd frighten away the other children dear!"
Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses.
The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.
This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
Tommy had reached school age. His Mom worked hard to make him enthusiastic about the idea. She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet, and so on.
The first day of school, he eagerly set off. When he came back home he had a lot of glowing reports about school!
Next morning his Mom woke him up saying, "Tommy, it's time to get ready for school."
Tommy said, "What? Again?"