Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"
"A mongoose."
"What for?"
"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."
"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."
"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose.
A man was lying in a hospital, covered in bandages from head to toe. The guy in the next bed said, ”What do you do for a living?”
The bandaged man replied, “I used to be a window cleaner.”
“Oh, when did you give that up?”
“About halfway down.”
10th Place
won
$5.00
When a trick went wrong, an amateur magician accidentally turned his wife into a couch and his two children into armchairs. He tried everything he knew to reverse the trick but when all attempts failed, he took them to a hospital.
He paced up and down in casualty for hours until finally a junior doctor came out to see him.
“My wife is a couch and my two children are armchairs,” said the magician. “I need to know how they’re doing.”
The doctor glanced at his notes and said, “They’re comfortable.”
Him: "This article says women use about 30,000 words a day, whereas men only use 15,000 words."
Her: "That's probably because a woman has to say everything twice."
Him: "...What?"
Free Daily Joke