As an maintenance man in an upscale hotel, I was asked to repair or replace the television in a guest room. When I arrived, the couple was watching a picture that had static lines going through it and was very fuzzy.
I knew all our spare sets were in use, so I figured what the heck, I struck the side of the TV with the heel of my hand. The picture became clear returned to normal.
"Look, honey," said the wife to her husband. "He went to the same repair school as you."
Mr. Wimple was suing for divorce.
"Then judge," he protested, "my wife hit me over the head with an oak leaf."
"Well, that couldn't have hurt you, surely," the judge commented.
"But it was the oak leaf from the center of the dining room table," answered Mr. Wimple.
Michelle, is the commander of a Coast Guard cutter. When she gave her dad, Bob, a tour of her ship, he was impressed with the neatness of all decks. However, when Michelle brought Bob to her house, he couldn't believe the disorganization.
"Why is everything in its place on your ship," he asked, "but your house is such a mess?"
Michelle replied, "My house doesn't take 30-degree rolls."