I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible.
I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted, and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened.
She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation. "That's okay, honey," I said, "you still have me."
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. "Yes," she wailed, "but you don't work either!"
A little girl struggling to complete a problem in class asks her teacher for help.
The teacher looks at the page and tells the student, "Do not worry, with all the resources here we can figure it out. The answer is a foot."
The girl looks at the page with a confused gaze and says, "But its math class!"
A guy brings a dog to a bar and says he’s the smartest dog in the world.
Guy asks him: Name a character from West Side Story?
Dog: Riff Riff!
Guy asks him: What covers a building or a house?
Dog: Roof Roof!
Guy asks him: Who’s the best baseball player ever?
Dog: Ruth Ruth!
Bartender kicks them both out of the bar.
Dog: What went wrong? Should I have said Cy Young?