At a local gun show two guys were bragging about their wife's abilities.
"My wife's a fine shot. She can hit a dollar every time."
"That's nothing. My wife goes through my trousers and never misses a dime."
How do you know when you're getting old?
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Man on phone: Hello, young man, could I speak to your mother or father?
Little Johnny: My parents aren’t home.
Man on phone: Could I leave them a message?
Little Johnny: Sorry, we don’t have an answering machine.
Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it.
"I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the little girl replied. "He'll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a dollar like usual."