Diner: "I would like a cup of coffee, please."
Waiter: "I'm very sorry, sir, but I'm afraid we're fresh out of coffee today; our coffee maker has been completely exhausted."
Diner: "I'm not surprised, due to how weak it's been lately."
A New York businessman buys a newspaper, glances at the front page, throws it away.
Next day, he does the same thing. This goes on for days.
Eventually, the newspaper guy asks, "Why do you do keep doing that?"
"Oh, I'm just checking for an obituary"
"But obituaries aren't even on the front page!"
"Oh, the one I'm looking for will be."
Boss: Experts say that humor on the job relieves tension in this time of downsizing. Knock, knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
A fishmonger is painting "FRESH FISH SOLD HERE" above his door when a passerby comes to meet him. "It's probably not necessary to write, 'Here'; you're not selling it anywhere else after all."
"No, that's right." the fishmonger replies.
"And it's probably not necessary to write 'Sold' either, since you wouldn't be giving it away."
"No, that's true," the fishmonger says.
"It's probably also not necessary to write 'Fresh' as your sellers naturally will assume it is fresh," the helpful man continues.
"Yes, that's quite true," the fishmonger replies. "Thank you very much, you've saved me a lot of trouble."
"You're welcome," the man replies. "Oh, and by the way, you probably don't even need to write 'Fish'; I could smell it from a block away."