Billy: I asked my dog three questions and he got two of them right.
Trevor: What three questions?
Billy: I asked what covers a tree and he said bark. I asked him what the texture of bark is and he said ruff. I then asked him if he knew what the winning lottery numbers are next Saturday night?
Trevor: He missed the lottery number question right?
Billy: I don't know, I'll tell you on Sunday.
Mr. Jones: Doc, I can't sleep.
Doctor: You used to count sheep and told me it worked. Any idea why the sheep counting method quit working?
Mr. Jones: When I count the sheep now they're shivering and it's upsetting.
Doctor: When did this problem start?
Mr. Jones: Right after I bought a very warm wool blanket.
I bought an alarm clock yesterday but I took it back today and asked for a refund, I said to the assistant, "It's not working properly, I set the alarm for 7:30am but it went off at 4:30am."
"I'd like to give you a refund sir, but it's smashed into pieces. How do you explain the damage?" he asked.
I said, "I just told you, it's not working properly and it went off at 4:30am."