Police Chief: The thief got away, eh? Did you guard all the exits?
Deputy: Yes, we did. But he tricked us. He went out through an entrance.
Herman: Mother, can I change my name?
Mother: Why do you want to change your name?
Herman: Because Dad says that he’s going to spank me as sure as my name is Herman.
What did the time traveler do when he finished his meal and was still hungry?
He went back "four" seconds.
I trained my dog to fetch me beer...
It may not sound too impressive, but he gets them from the neighbors fridge!