A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I would have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"
Why did the man show up for jury duty with a towel and sunscreen?
Because when he called in to make sure he had to come downtown to serve, the jury coordinator told him to come prepared to stay all day in the jury pool.
Why did little Johnny put his teddy in the freezer?
He wanted a Polar Bear.
Scarecrows are always outstanding in their field...
But HAY, its in their JEANS!