After a trial had been going on for three days, Harrison, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench.
"Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.
Harrison looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."
A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card. The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?"
The man said, "You don't understand. I need a card that covers both events! You see, we're celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife's thirty-fourth birthday."
Two accountants go to their credit union on their lunch break, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line-up the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.
While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?"
Number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."