There is a guy stealing iPhones around town...
At some point he’s going to face time!
A man walks into the grocery store and ask to speak to the manager about buying all the rotten eggs.
"What do you want with all the rotten eggs?" the manager asks. "Are you going to see the new comedian at the theater tonight?"
"Sh-sh-sh!" hissed the buyer nervously. "I am the new comedian."
What is muffins spelled backwards?
Exactly what you do when you take them out the oven.
The traveling salesman was passing through a small western town selling an elixir which he declared: "will make men live to a great age!"
"Look at me," he shouted. "Hale and hearty, I'm over 300 years old."
"Is he really as old as that?" a bystander ask the youthful assistant.
"I can't say," replied the assistant. "I've only worked for him for just over a 100 years."