Donna: "I can tell if someone is lying just by looking at him."
Ashley: "Really?"
Donna: "Yep. I can tell if he is standing too."
The other day I got carded at the liquor store. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out.
The clerk shook his head and said, “Never mind,” and rang me up.
Dude 1: Hey, bro?
Dude 2: Yeah, bro?
Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: Bro-chure...
A man was walking through the grounds of a university one morning when he noticed a young blind woman struggling with her Guide-Dog. The animal was resolutely pulling in one direction, she in another.
When he offered assistance, the woman replied, "No thanks, this is a family argument. The dog knows I'm supposed to go to a lecture right now -- but I want to miss it."