Latest Jokes

$5.00 won 8 votes

"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now, turn it off and get to bed!"

"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

"But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? OH! Styling gel, Mousse, Something...?"

"I don't care what you've discovered, You still could have written!"

"Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

8 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Pshark1998" |
$5.00 won 8 votes

Why do you pronounce “queue” as “q”?

Because the other letters are waiting in line.

8 votes

Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Danny Jackson" |
5 votes

What's the difference between an umpire and a pickpocket?

One watches steals and the other steals watches.

5 votes

posted by "wadejagz" |
$25.00 won 10 votes

Mary's list for the throughout the ages...

What I Want in a Man, Original List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

10 votes

Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "maryjones" |