Bartender: I've got a new cocktail for you. It's a cross between beer and whiskey and it's the name of a children's sidewalk game.
Patron: Oh, cool! What is it?
Bartender: Hops-scotch!
One Sunday after services one of the ladies approached the pastor's wife and commented, "What nice buttons you have sewed onto your sons jacket. My husband once had some like that on his suit."
The pastor's wife replies, "Why thank you for the complement. I get all my buttons out of the collection plate."
A couple returning from their honeymoon was in a deep discussion about people and their actions. John, the husband indicated: "I have always maintained that no two people on earth think alike."
Mary, his loving new bride commented: "You'll change your mind when you look over our wedding presents."
What did the nut say when it sneezed?
Cash-ewwww!