Latest Jokes

A man goes into the doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I’ve swallowed a watch. What should I do?”

“Take these pills,” says the doctor. “They should help you pass the time.”

A woman calls her mother.

"My husband and I have been fighting so much lately. I am going to come live with you again."

Her mother replies, "No dear, he should pay for his mistakes. I am coming to live with you."

I have a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day I was in the break room with another manager. I reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed in an Ace Hardware paper bag.

My co-worker stopped mid-bite and stared at me, looking a little tense. When I pulled my sandwich out of the bag, he sighed in relief.

"What's the matter?" I asked him.

"Uh, nothing," he replied, "I was beginning to think you really do eat nails for lunch."

Two cows were looking over a gate. One said to the other, "What do you think about this mad cow disease?"

The other cow looked over and replied, "Why should I care, I'm a helicopter..."