Doctor: Your DNA is backwards.
I came home from work this evening and said to my wife, "Are we having salad for dinner?"
"Yes we are, how did you know?" she asked.
I replied, "Because I can't hear the smoke alarm."
I was having trouble with my computer at work so I called IT Support...
He said, "Have you tried disabling cookies?"
I said, "Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man?"
When it's sunny I think 'Beer garden.'
When it rains I usually go to the pub for a while.
When it's snowing I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of beer.
I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather.