Latest Jokes

Having raised a large family, my mother cooked everything in battalion-size batches.

So when my newly married brother, Ron requested her chop-suey recipe, she experimented for two weeks with the ingredients in order to cut the dish down for the honeymooners.

"Thanks for the recipe, Mom," "Ron wrote home. "The first thing we did was triple it so we would have plenty of leftovers!"

Windows: Please enter your new password.

User: potatoes

Windows: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters long.

User: baked potatoes

Windows: Sorry, the password must contain at least one numerical character.

User: 3 baked potatoes

Windows: Sorry, the password cannot have any blank spaces.

User: 75bigdumbstinkinbakedpotatoes

Windows: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case letter.

User: 75bigDUMBstinkinbakedpotatoes

Windows: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case letter consecutively

User: 75BigDumbStinkinBakedPotatoesSmashedInYourFaceIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightNow!

Windows: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

User: 75BigDumbStinkinBakedPotatoesSmashedInYourFaceIfYouDontGiveMeAccessRightNowAndRightThisVeryMinute

Windows: Sorry, that password is already in use.

Joe: "I've heard about your wit."

Moe: "Oh, that's nothing."

Joe: "Yeah, that's what I've heard."

Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.

About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."

She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know."