Latest Jokes

The real estate agent is following up with an elderly gentlemen after showing him a new home. Over the phone the agent indicated, "This house will be worth double what you paid for it in a few years."

The older gentleman laughs, "At my age, it's a risk buying green bananas."

What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes whack and then "Darn!" while a skydiver goes “Darn!” and then whack.

An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.

The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted.

"You must mean the lift," he said.

"No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator."

"Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts".

"Now you listen", the American said rather irritated, "someone in America invented the elevator."

"Oh, right you are sir," the portiere said in a polite tone, "but someone here in England invented the language."

A man stops by his local florist shop to buy flowers for his new girlfriend. He asks the proprietor, "You know the expression, 'You should say it with flowers'?"

"How about three dozen of my finest roses?" the florist asks.

"Make it a half dozen roses," the man answers. "I'm a man of few words."