Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
Jake: If you were in a line at a ticket window, and the man in front of you was going to Chicago and the money lady behind you was going to Atlanta, where would you be going?
Fran: I don’t know.
Jake: If you don’t know where you are going, why are you in line?
Jill: I can stay underwater for ten minutes!
Jack: That’s impossible!
Jill: (takes a glass of water and holds it over her head for ten minutes.) See, I told you!
A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.
“I am a turtle,” he says.
“Who’s on your back?”
“That’s Michelle.”