Mindy: "I hear that the famous actress Gloria Manybucks has been voted Housekeeper of the Year again."
Missy: "Really?"
Mindy: "Yes, whenever she gets a divorce, she keeps the house."
I called my stockbroker and told him I wanted to buy some cannabis stocks.
He told me I had to open a joint account.
People in Britain are Brits.
People in Scotland are Scots.
People in Wales are Jonahs.
I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure.
I said, "No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody!"