A Russian arrives at a friends house with a bottle of vodka. The friend silently leads him into the dining room where they both sit at the table with the bottle. Not a word is spoken.
The friend goes off and returns with two vodka glasses. The Russian fills the two glasses with the vodka, and they begin to drink. Not a word is spoken.
After much silence and a half-empty bottle, the Russian ventures a comment, “Good vodka, agree?”
At this, the friend slams down his glass and replies, “Did you come here to talk or to drink?”
A walker was ambling along a jogging course, when he stopped to fill up his one quart water bottle.
When the bottle was almost filled, a runner came by and snatched the almost full bottle.
The startled walker began to follow the jogger in order to get his bottle back.
Hence the term: "Follow the liter!"
A married couple was enjoying a dinner out when a statuesque blonde walked over to their table, exchanged warm greetings with the husband, and walked off.
"Who was that?" the wife demanded.
"If you must know," the husband replied, "that was my mistress."
"Your mistress? That's it! I want a divorce!" the wife fumed.
The husband looked her straight in the eye and said, "Are you sure you want to give up our big house in the suburbs, your Mercedes, your furs, your jewelry, and our vacation home in Mexico?"
For a long time they continued dining in silence. Finally, the woman nudged her husband and said, "Isn't that Steve over there? Who's he with?"
"That's HIS mistress," her husband replied.
"Oh," she said, taking a bite of dessert. "Ours is much cuter."
At their high school reunion, Sarah and Esther meet up for the first time in fifty years.
Sarah begins to tell Esther about her children: "My son is a doctor and he's got four kids. My daughter is married to a lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about your kids?"
Esther replies, "Unfortunately, Morty and I don't have any children and so we have no grandchildren either."
Sarah says, "No children and no grandchildren... so tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?"